Con Law/ Oscars Review

Dear Bloggers,

Tonight's blog will be reviewing the con law brief from hell and of course, the Oscars.


Con Law

To those of you in my Con Law section: Congratulations! Most of us are done! For those of you still stressing, don't. From here on out it's a win-win situation. Either your brief wins and you get the opportunity to argue in front of some judges and practitioners, a  grade bump, and of course food/drinks with Hanna. If you lose you get to sit back and relax while your classmates piss themselves in this video-recorded argument.

Now on to more important matters: The Oscars. In your celebrations of the brief being done, many of you may have missed the Oscars. Don't worry, I got your back.



Oscars Review

So for those of you who missed the Oscars, here are the high (and not so high) lights

Seth McFarlane

Ok,so I was pretty excited when I heard he was hosting. I've always been of the opinion that the Oscars substantially lack humor (see what I did there). Seth MacFarlane, I thought might be the answer. Not so much.
Overall rating: mehh

Highs: 

We saw your Boobs
J-Law is the best part.

Recognizing Ben Affleck's Oscar Snub for Best Director:
"..so secret the academy doesn't even know the director's name" ( something like that)

Boy Wizard and Girl Vampire Intro- Daniel Radcliffe and Kristen Stewart

Introducing the Von Trapp family from Sound of Music only to have  Nazi soldier appear and announce the family has left (just like in the movie)

Referring to Best Actress nominee, 9 year-old Quvenzhané Wallis, told the other nominees that getting nominated for an Oscar is something "a 9 year-old can do"

Lows:

When discussing the extreme violence and womanizing in Django "or for Chris Brown and Rihanna, date night"- this earned him quite a gasp from the crowd but not as bad as the next;

"the only actor to really get into Lincoln's head was John Wilkes Booth" - the crowd was mostly silent, littered with a few gasps.
" 150 years and still too soon" McFarlane quipped.

McFarlane then took a stab at George Clooney- announcing nine year old Quvenzhané Wallis had "sixteen years until she's too old for George Clooney."  Clooney didn't look amused but McFarlane threw him some whiskey which he appeared to be opening as the camera left him.


Fashion

Normally I don't care much about fashion but there were some noticeable ensembles.

Highs:

Jennifer Lawrence- JLaw dazzled in a stunning white Dior dress. She looked flawless. The dress proved challenging to walk in when JLaw tripped and fell on the stairs leading up to the stage, but let's be honest: it just made us love her more.

Halle Berry- So Halle doesn't really count. Of course she looked amazing but let's be real: Halle Berry is not actually a human being. At least that's my theory. I mean the woman has not aged at all in 20+ years. Sure she may have a good surgeon, but there's only so much a surgeon can do (look at Joan Rivers or Heidi Montag). Halle not only looks natural, but like she's 25. It's not normal. I don't know what species she belongs to but I need to find it and pray they adopt me.

Jennifer Garner- beautiful dress, beautiful hair. Simply glowing as her husband's Argo won a bunch of awards.

Ben Affleck- I know Seth told you that he thought your beard was a Kardashian finally making it to the movie industry (miss), but I think you looked Sexy, rock that beard Ben! (cause he totally reads my blog).

Channing Tatum- duh.

Amy Adams- gorgeous

Kerry Washington- her dress was flawless. Seriously, google it.

Corrine Foxx- Jamie's daughter is grown up and totally stunning.

Jessica Chastain- really pretty.

Lows:

The woman who won best makeup or costume (we don't remember) who was wearing PINK LEGGINGS. To. the. Oscars. Really? pink leggings are almost never acceptable. Very few people in
very few situations can pull off pink leggings and she was not one of them, and the Oscars will never be the place. Ever.

Anne Hathaway- the "darts" on her dress. I legitimately thought they were her nipples but was corrected by my mother who insists it was an unfortunate dress placement. Still think she went braless but either way...not pleasant.

All the Directors/Writers with really long gray hair- is this a new trend?

K-Stew- but we'll get to her.


Performances

Highs:

Barbara Streisand- decent


Seth McFarlane- voices
a little slanted- sorry

Here's to the Losers
Self Explanatory

Lows:

I know I'll get shit for this one. Adele- of course her singing was amazing but when is it not? I know her voice is incredible but her music is all starting to sound the same. Her performances are boring and Skyfall really isn't great. It's no Set Fire to the Rain.


Awards

Highs:

Best Supporting Actor- Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained
He really was awesome.

Argo- Best Film
Not only was it presented (via tv) by Michelle Obama, but Ben's speech was truly touching. "You gotta get up" he says of his past failures (through tears).

Best Actress- JLaw
I haven't seen Silver Linings Playbook (yet!) but I love love love Jennifer Lawrence. Her reaction to "We saw your boobs" was priceless and her speech thanking the crowd for her standing ovation ("I know it was just because I fell which is so embarrassing") Something like that...
Anyway she is amazing. And fat actress? Really? JLaw is flawless and if she's fat, then just call me Moosica from now on.


Lows:

Ben Affleck not getting Best Director- or even nominated. Snubbb


Kristen Stewart

My hatred for her has earned KStew her own category. Tonight I direct this review to her staff:

Stylist:
Show that girl a hairbrush! We all have bad hair days but come on, it's the Oscars! Get it together.
The dress- not as bas as usual but again, not fitted in the chest area. she always does this- wear a dress that your boobs fit into! they aren't big enough for the one's you're wearing! (sorry, rant)

Publicist:
Since none of her performances were nominated for an Oscar (though she swept the Razzies), presenting was a good opportunity to try and rebuild her rep. Instead, KStew stuck to her awkward in-pain looking mode of speech coupled with her usual vacantly irritated expression. Why is her publicist not telling her to f**king smile?!?! Be friendly?! Look human for once! It's bad enough she ruined the heroin of what was actually an incredible book series. God, she sucks (end rant, almost)

And really Rob- You can do better. You proved your talent as Edward, Cedric, and Tyler (Remember Me). Not that looks matter but you're winning there too. Why do you need her cheating-talentless ass?

Officially ending my KStew Rant.

Lastly I want to recommend some Oscar movies you may have missed cause you're a law student:
-Silver linings playbook (haven't seen it yet but it looks so good)
-Life of Pi (looks good, but i think the Tiger dies so I won't watch it)
-Lincoln (Cynthia says it's amazing)
-Django Unchained (if you can handle the brutality- so epic)
-Brave (Cynthia said it was really good)
-Wreck it Ralph (really good)
-Argo (how have I not seen it yet?)

You may be insane if...

Dear Bloggers,

It has come to our attention that we have all gone insane. For those of you who may still be in denial or are unsure of your mental state, we have compiled a list of signs that may indicate you have officially gone insane in law school:

1. you see your pharmacist almost as much as your roommates
2. you dream yourself into cases
3. you write the library as your return address on envelopes
4. you buy not one, but five boxes of girl scout cookies

5. the best part of your week is trivia
6. you are the drunkest person at trivia
7. in fact, the bartenders know you by name
8. worse, there is a drink named after you
9. you ignore people saying "hi" to you because you are on a "mission" aka on the way to the vending machine.
10. you have been at the library for so long that people around you start to resemble food and you consider eating them
11. you are jealous of people with a 60 hour work week
12. you genuinely get mad at non-law school friends for complaining...about anything
13. you struggle to remember what your family members look like
14. you lose ability to do things you were previously able to do- such as; spell, write, tie your shoes, etc
15. you try to make a snow angel..in the ice

16. you have more alcohol in your house than a standard convenient store

17. you have lost all distinction between hot and law school- hot

18. your advice on how to get through the rest of  February (which uniquely sucks)  is "bend over and hope for the best" ( mike always has a way with words)

19. you hear voices..yelling at you...all the time

20. you were fully convinced that the mice in your house were headed for world domination and personally threatened to take over your house first

21. celebrate the semester being over by sleeping for three days straight

22. you forget how old you are- but you has a feeling it's 20 years more than you were last year somehow

23. you wonder if your friends outside of law school are still alive and if so, why haven't they come to save you yet

24. you hope if your roommate dies you see it so you can get A's

25. you threaten your roommates with a giant candy cane

26. let alone what movies are playing, what is on tv, or anything else in the world

27. you're not sure if there is a world outside of law school anymore

28. you mentally add the cost of the therapy you're going to need to the already ridiculous debt you are going to be in when you get out

29. you vaguely wonder if you won the lottery, if it would even be enough to cover your debt

30. you no longer look when you cross the street because it doesn't really matter anymore

31. you find a comb on the kitchen table- and no one knows who's it is

32. you walk upstairs with only one boot on- and don't realize it until half hour later

33. you try and make an egg mcmuffin and this is what happens

34. you call home to talk to your dogs- yes, talk to them (they look attentive right?)

35. you have no idea what the date is

36. you get called on in class and just start randomly spewing words from the case " the plaintiffs were wearing purple hats because of the demurrer and the trial court dismissed because the defendant was eating salad out of his jurisdiction" 

37. you contemplate whether your civil procedure book is written in a different language before realizing that you wouldn't understand it any less if it were

38. you see a mirror and wonder when the last time you brushed your hair was

39. you forget what it's like to sleep

40. you inexplicably find highlighter on all parts of your body

41. you wonder how many of your classmates you will see in AA later in life

42. you would kill a person for a massage

43. you mistake your roommate on the side of the road for a tree

44. This is what your house looks like:

GYST

Today the 420 House started our GYST chart. GYST stands for Get Your Shit Together (credit, Mike).  While GYST could apply to many aspects of our lives, school work, cleaning, temperament, excessive sports anxiety, etc, this chart applies to our new goal: getting healthy.

As far as living a healthy lifestyle, our house has been riding the fail boat to say the least. With my mac and cheese and candy addictions, Jeff's booze addiction, and Mike and Cynthia's affinity for fried food in combination with our vast amount of stress and lack of time; our house has struggled with being healthy. It's hard to choose salad when your roommates are making cinnamon sugar donuts in the deep fryer. Scratch that, it's hard to choose anything healthy over anything deep fried. Not to mention the large supply of cookies, candy, and cakes.

We have decided to change our lifestyle in order to achieve the following goals:
- be stronger so we are better able to fight for the remote or the last piece of pizza
- law school may have taken everything else (sanity, etc) but it can't have our bodies too!
- to look good NAKED
- to increase our chances of getting laid (just kidding mom)
- to use the gym time to procrastinate doing homework
- to sell our bodies to pay off loans (again, kidding)

The chart has several different color stars which can be earned for cardio, strength, and calorie counts. The goal is to work out 5 days a week and if that goal is met, you get to participate in the Friday cheat meal. The cheat meal is most likely pizza, booze, and something desert like from the deep fryer. Calories don't count from 4pm-12am on Friday's- but you have to earn it!

The plan was to start the chart on Sunday but then Mike and Cynthia declared today the start of GYST. At first I was upset about the change of plans because my plan for the day included eating potato chips and pasta until I no longer felt the hangover from the overindulgence of chocolate and alcohol last night.

 By starting GYST today I was forced to go to the gym, which was nice. New building, new machines (no pool or anything overly exciting or cool, or even soap in the bathroom) but still pretty awesome. I mean anything is awesome compared to the shed we were in. Personally I won't miss the spiders staring at me from the ceiling while i do my ab workouts or the treadmills with no side bars or place to put your ipod.

From now on the 420 house will be up in the gym just workin on our fitness. We need your help! If you see us eating unhealthy things, slap it from our hands and give us a look of shame. If you see us overindulging at wing night or trivia, feel free to give us the shame face and express your deepest disappointment. Also, support us here on the blog, that way we will hate ourselves if we have to post that we failed.

So cheers to being healthy! With water of course. (and by water we mean vodka)

Much Love,
The 420 House

Valentines/ Single-Awareness Day

As you all know, tomorrow is Valentines Day/ Single-Awareness Day. Hope you enjoyed our valentines in your mailbox. If you did not receive one it is probably because: we don't know you, we ran out of valentines rather quickly (poor planning), or we got tired and couldn't find your name. In any event, we love you all!

Valentines Day is a source of love, joy, depression, sadness, and of course another reason to drink :)
V-Day means different things for different people, so we thought tonight we would focus our blog on Valentine's Day advice from each of our own perspectives:

Valentine's Day Food- By Cynthia

1. Don't buy a big heart shaped box of chocolate and eat it two days before Valentines Day.
2. Plan ahead for trivia night- find fun valentine's cocktails
3. Under no circumstances, do you eat the purple or green conversation hearts! Tastes like chalk and pepto bismol.
4. Jess is a holiday slave-driver, avoid her on holidays. She will harass you until you get in the festive spirit.  (you're welcome bitch!- Jess)

Valentine's Day Poem- by Mike

Here I sit broken hearted
Came to shit only farted


How to Rock Single Awareness Day- by Jess

1. Be Selfish- Being single means never having to compromise :) Whether it be going out to dinner, watching a movie, attending a party, or simply picking out a box of chocolate- the decision is all yours! No arguing about whether to watch Fast and Furious or The Notebook, or whether to go Chinese or Italian for dinner. Single Day= Your way.  For that matter, you don't have to buy anyone else a gift. Instead of being responsible and saving your money- buy yourself something awesome. Celebrate your solo status and buy a gift for the person you can always please- yourself.

2. Don't Share- So many single people avoid bottles of pink champagne and heart shaped chocolate boxes. Not me- I'm drinking the champagne and eating chocolate to my heart's content and will not be sharing any of it :).

3. Be Shameless- On that note, don't feel bad about eating a whole box of chocolate ( except for the coconut, gross). Feel free to wear your sexy underwear anyway, you don't need somebody else to tell you that you look good ;)

4. Get into it- wear red, drink pink and red cocktails, dance around your apartment with your friends. Force your roommates to get into the holiday spirit with you. Start planning for the biggest and best single party of the year- St.Patrick's Day.

5. Don't make mistakes because your drunk on Valentine's Day- you're better than that. If not, at least be safe. The holiday is about love, not a love rash.

6. If you're in SoRo- Come to Trivia at 8:30 at Crossroads and have a drink with us! Celebrate your single status because being single is awesome :) Cheers to Freedom and Fun!

7. Whatever you do, don't be sad- life is too short for that. If you're one of our law school followers, you especially can't be sad. Relationships? Ain't nobody got time for that!


Valentine's Gifts- by Jeff

Good Ideas:
1. spa gift certifcates
2. flowers and candy
3. lingerie- if you're trashy
4. dick in a box
5. cook - breakfast in bed, cande-light dinner
6. event tickets
7. homemade card

Bad Ideas:
1. kitchen appliances- women may belong in the kitchen, but they also belong other places too.
2. gym membership- in fact, this isn't good for any holiday.
3. cleaning products
4. surprise threesome
5. ask your date when dinner is
6. drive-thru dinner
7. candle-light dinner turned fire hazard

Second Semester: No Mice, No Motivation

Hi Everybody!

Welcome to our blog! I've been inspired by all these inspirational bloggers discussing their academic success, healthy lifestyle, and career triumphs. Unfortunatley our blog is not about any of these things. This blog is about four first year law students who paint a beautiful picture of disfunction and redefine the term "hot mess."

This blog will contain posts from myself and three of my roommates as we struggle for survival in our second semester of law school in the coldest, most remote place on earth: SoRo. This blog may make you laugh, cry, sing and dance, or close your web browser. (you have been warned).

Tonight the house is experiencing a lack of motivation. Going to the library after class and reading all two pages of civ pro and all 281183764237642736 pages of con law turned into eating an entire box of mac and cheese followed by a delicious cinnamon goo castle called "monkey bread" that was created by my roommates. or pintrest. one of the two. To make matters worse, my diet was also compromised while watching the biggest loser.

Guess who feels like the biggest loser? (and not the kind that loses weight)

Well, off to do homework (or call of duty, one of the two). Stay tuned for this weeks topics:  GYST (Get Your Shit Together) star chart, Single-Awarness Day, and  Weekly Foodgasm.

Good Night!
420 House